Ayurveda Day 38: An Apology

There is a lot I could write about today. We have just delved into a section on Ayurvedic Psychology, and trust me, there’s lots to write about on the subject that is fascinating.

But I feel before I write anything else in this blog, I owe you an apology.

Yes YOU. You, my reader, I must apologize for something I have been doing in this blog. It has been done with intention, and though that intention was good, it was misplaced.

So what am I apologizing for?

When you’re a writer, you often keep in mind what your target audience is. I had convinced myself that my target audience for this blog is people who do not trust Ayurveda. As such, I have written many articles from a standpoint of defensiveness. I have been trying to convince all my detractors of Ayurveda’s legitimacy. I’ve been trying to win over my hardest critics.

That in and of itself isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But the truth is, those aren’t the kinds of people who are reading my blog. I’m not nearly as popular as I like to imagine.

But I am blessed to have friends, family, fellow classmates, and readers that genuinely trust in Ayurveda. Some trust in it because they have an open mind already. Others trust in it because of their own experience with it. Still others trust it just because I have earned their personal trust, which I have deep gratitude for.

I feel very supported by all of you. I don’t get a lot of comments or likes, but I often get private messages from people thanking me for the lessons they are learning through my work. It is in this manner that my best friend approached me and made me aware that I often defend my career choice unnecessarily. He explained to me that by starting conversations by feeling I have to explain myself, the first thing I am doing is creating a space of doubt for people to enter. They may not have had doubt before, but the space I created now welcomes it from them.

It’s important to keep in mind that I sensationalize my writings on this blog. Not the facts, but just the way in which I write. I want it to be dramatic, compelling, inspiring, etc. So any stance I take will always seem exaggerated.

I don’t truly feel I have to defend myself, or my career. I trust in it, because I know it works. I also have faith that other people will come to me when they are ready. If it seems as though I waste a lot of breath defending myself, it is not because I am skeptical of Ayurveda. It is a misplaced desire to help even the most stubbornly opposed to come around, so I can help them heal as well. But this is not the path.

In fact, I have been worse with you, my friends, because I care more about what you think. I have deep respect for your input and have this innate need to be validated by your approval.

Much like I created a space for doubt, I can create a better space for people. I can be welcoming, nonjudgmental, prepared to answer their doubts…But I need not assume everyone will come to me looking to tear me down. Indeed, I should assume the opposite: that you are coming to me because you want to know more. I shouldn’t make the exception the rule.

So for that, I am sorry. Ayurveda has taught me that everyone is unique, yet I am writing as though you’re all the same and lack trust in it. But my writing does not reflect how I truly feel.

Being more aware of all this now allows me to keep an eye on this tendency – it is my own samskara (lit: with scars!) that I am dealing with. It stems from many issues with my own sense of self as an immigrant. A stranger in a strange land. Feeling I have to prove myself – this is just another lesson I am overcoming. Ayurvedic practitioners are far from perfect! It’s hard for us too, to follow what we advise.

In the meantime, I thank each and every one of you who reads my blog, or even part of it. I even thank those of you who don’t read it but are supportive of me becoming a CAS.

And most of all, thanks to you for caring enough about yourself to pursue Ayurveda in even the smallest of ways. Ayurveda has and always will be a science of personal responsibility.

With gratitude,

S

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